He's Just Not That Into You (Cleveland): A Special Sneak Preview

FADE IN as a NARRATOR somberly intones:

NARRATOR:

This is a story of boy meets city....

NARRATOR:

(cont'd)

The boy, LeBron James, grew up believing he would be "The One."

This belief stemmed from early exposure to entourages,

and a total misreading of Nike shoe slogans.

NARRATOR:

(cont'd)

The city, Cleveland, Ohio, had not won a championship

in any professional sport since 1965. Ever since that time,

there had been endless pain, frustration and agony:

The Drive, The Fumble, The Shot, and countless

other debacles over the years.

NARRATOR:

(cont'd)

Nevertheless, from the moment Cleveland

met LeBron James, it invested all its hopes

in him, firmly believing that he truly was "The One."

This is a story of boy meets city.

But you should know up front, this is not a love story....

OVER OPENING CREDITS, clips of home-movies play of both boy and city, a bittersweet trip down memory lane, scored to Regina Spektor's "Us."

INT. NIGHTCLUB, SOUTH BEACH, FLA.--EVENING.

A typical Miami nightclub: loud music, wild dancing, patrons consuming heavy amounts of blow sweets. A visiting CITY, all dolled up, approaches a BASKETBALL STAR at the bar. His best friends, DWYANE and CHRIS, are chatting up some bikini-clad girls nearby.

A TITLE CARD READS:

"January, 2011"

CLEVELAND:

Hey, you!

LEBRON:

Hey.

CLEVELAND

(blushing):

Well, how's this for a coincidence?

LEBRON:

Uh, yeah.

CLEVELAND:

Surprised to see me?

LEBRON:

Uh, yeah.

CLEVELAND

(twirls around):

Don't I look nice?

LEBRON:

Uh, yeah.

CLEVELAND:

Don't you like what I've done with my bridge?

LEBRON:

Uh, yeah. Listen, what are you doing here?

CLEVELAND:

What do you think I'm doing here, silly?

(giggles)

I came to see you.

LEBRON:

Well, look, LeBron James is flattered. It's just that, you know,

LeBron James thought we had an understanding.

CLEVELAND:

Hmm? What do you mean?

LEBRON:

You know, when LeBron James left. Six months ago.

LeBron James thought we agreed to stop seeing each other.

CLEVELAND:

Ohhhh, that!

(slaps his shoulder and tee-hees)

That was all just a silly misunderstanding.

I was going through a phase back then. I'm

in a much better place now.

LEBRON:

That's great. It's just that, you see,

LeBron James is in a better place now too.

CLEVELAND:

I don't follow.

LEBRON:

LeBron James is happy here.

CLEVELAND:

I'm glad to hear you say that.

(squeezes his hand)

I'm happy here with you too.

LEBRON:

(pulls hand away)

Look, Cleveland, what I'm trying to say is....

LeBron James has moved on. You need to move on too.

CLEVELAND:

You mean that?

LEBRON:

Yes.

CLEVELAND:

Gosh. I came all the way out here.

I got all dressed up.

LEBRON:

LeBron James is sorry.

CLEVELAND:

I feel like such a fool.

LEBRON:

It's not you, it's LeBron James.

CLEVELAND:

(sobs)

You never loved me!

LEBRON:

Of course LeBron James loved you.

LeBron James still loves you.

LeBron James just isn't in love with you.

CLEVELAND:

Oh, why didn't I see the signs?

LEBRON:

What signs?

CLEVELAND:

The signs that you were interested in someone else!

LEBRON:

Not ringing any bells.

CLEVELAND:

(hysterical)

The signs that you were going to betray me!

LEBRON:

Don't know what you mean.

CLEVELAND:

How could you humiliate me like that?

On national television!

LEBRON:

LeBron James wanted to get it all out in the open.

CLEVELAND:

It was humiliating for you too, you know.

It was even worse than that cover photo

you agreed to do for Vogue.

LEBRON:

LeBron James would appreciate it if

you didn't bring that up.

CLEVELAND:

Don't you know racism when you see it?

LEBRON:

(pause)

We were together for seven years. All that time

I put up with your flirtations, your coming up short in the playoffs,

your constantly referring to yourself in the third-person.

And only now am I finally seeing you differently.

LEBRON:

How do you mean?

CLEVELAND:

I mean that you are self-aggrandizing.

I mean that you are a cold-hearted bastard.

LEBRON:

LeBron James thinks you can be pretty cold too.

CLEVELAND:

Nevertheless, you hurt me very badly.

LEBRON:

You hurt LeBron James too. After LeBron James left.

CLEVELAND:

I may have overreacted....

LEBRON:

You frightened LeBron James.

CLEVELAND:

I got a little carried away.

At that moment, a deranged NBA OWNER enters the club and approaches the bar.

DAN GILBERT:

How "dare" you "toy"

with our "emotions!"

"I" personally "guarantee" we will "win" a "championship" before "you" do!

CLEVELAND:

Dan, what did I tell you? Wait in the car.

Dan Gilbert stalks away to the other end of the bar.

LEBRON:

LeBron James would have stayed had Dan

ever picked up some decent free agents.

LeBron James can't do everything by himself.

CLEVELAND:

Is that why you came to Miami--so there would

be less pressure? So you could play with your friends?

LEBRON:

Yes.

CLEVELAND:

And you're not the only "King" any more?

LEBRON:

LeBron James is happy to share his crown.

CLEVELAND:

Well then, I guess I should wish you well....

LEBRON:

LeBron James is not a machine.

LeBron James has feelings too, you know.

CLEVELAND:

You're going to be okay, LeBron. And you know

what? I'm going to be okay too! The name

"Cleveland" has a long, proud history.

LEBRON:

That's true.

CLEVELAND:

The name "Cleveland" is not somebody's idea

of a cheap joke!

LEBRON:

That's right.

CLEVELAND:

Oh, LeBron, I'm glad we had this talk.

LEBRON:

Cleveland, LeBron James has made some mistakes. And

LeBron James knows that right now it still hurts.

CLEVELAND:

(wipes a tear)

It does.

LEBRON:

But LeBron James knows, one day you will

get over LeBron James.

CLEVELAND:

I know.

LEBRON:

LeBron James wishes you all the best.

LeBron James hopes we will meet again as friends.

They embrace. LeBron returns to his seat, looking melancholy. Cleveland takes a couple steps before turning back around.

CLEVELAND:

If we do, it probably won't be in the playoffs.

(laughs)

Everybody knew that we would struggle this season.

But it looks like you guys are struggling too. Rumor has it

it's only a matter of time before you get a new coach. Is

that true?

Just then, a slick-haired, AL PACINO LOOK-ALIKE strides to the bar. He drapes an arm around LeBron, an NBA championship ring on each finger.

PAT:

Hey LeBron, how you doin', pal?

(points to Cleveland)

This town bothering you?

FADE TO BLACK.